Facts About Barack Obama

In honor of the inauguration, my students read a Weekly Reader about Barack Obama and then wrote some facts they learned about the new president. Below, behold the fruits of my teaching genius:




Faxe abaet Barack Obama

Barack Obama help people.
Barack obama is the first black pressidents
BrochoBomo likes basketball and he yuust to work in Illinois.
He is going to wark in the ovl ofes.
Barack Obama likes to play basketball.
Barack Obama is a war president. (a war = our)
He was bonrn in Hwye.
Barack Obama was bron in Alaska.
Obama can exercise a lot.

One a penny, two a penny

Today was the first day of recorder class for my students. That can only mean one thing:
HOT CROSS BUNS! I have no idea why this lame song is such a universal recorder classic, but apparently it has cornered the market for easy and annoyingly repetitive songs for elementary school students.



If my eardrums survive this 12 week course of 6 year olds playing plastic flutes, it will be remarkable.

Miss Pronuciation

When I first came to my school there was already a Mr. M and a Ms. M at my school so I figured I would just make my kids call me by full name. After all, I planned to learn how to pronounce their names so they should learn to pronounce mine. After six months, many of my kids and co-workers still do not have any clue how to pronounce my name. At first is was humorous when students would want to say hi to me in the hallways and they couldn't get past the initial consonant. Now, it's just vexing. Below is a list of my more favorite mispronunciations.

Macaraira
Macanamairah
Micknuhmaruh
Mackinack
Macnair
Micknair
Mactamaira

Jesus Christ

Today we visited the school library for the first time since February 10th. The school librarian is a very interesting lady with many strong religious convictions which she tries to discuss with students as often as possible. Apparently, a teacher can discuss religion as long as a child brings it up. I gathered this during the Christmas season when the librarian excitedly insisted that I chart the phrase "Jesus' birthday" on the class brainstorm list for Christmas symbols once a student had voiced it. Today she was very, very eager to talk about all the holidays that took place in March (EASTER) and spent a good bit of time trying to get my kids to say either the words "Easter" or "Jesus" so she could legitimately discuss the ascension of Christ. I think that if I had been out of the room she would've stooped to a question like, "rhymes with beezus" to get them to say it. Unfortunately for the librarian, my students (and perhaps most first grade students in public school) don't understand that Easter means anything beyond pastel wrapped candy.

Bipolar Coaster

Today was a classic example of the numerous emotional highs and lows I experience during any given weekday. I was somewhat inspired by those lame feelings poster I saw in the school social worker's office. Enjoy the peek into my day.

7:45 am: Anxious
Lack of planning from last night (combined with the coffee I had to drink to combat sleep deprivation) makes me nervous.


9:10 am: Cautious
During a reading assessment, a student completely shut down while I asked him about the book he had just read which I know will piss him off for the rest of the day. And he's a hitter. Crap.


9:35 am: Hopeful
Lesson plan on putting line breaks into poetry seems to have FINALLY convinced students to stop putting periods in their poems.


9:55 am: Frustrated
The hitter gets into a fight, leaving me no choice but to take him during gym time (my break).


10:15 am: Angry
Meeting with the assistant principal about her observation of my teaching last week is off to rocky start when she tells me I lack any management skills. This coming from a woman who never taught a grade lower than 6th. And from a woman who has been in my room 4 times other than the observation (each time to check bulletin boards).

11:00 am Smug
After faking my way through a plausible reading lesson, my assistant principal enters the room and engages in a conversation with a student during work time that leads the student to hysterically cry and run around the room as the principal follows her yelling (which by the way, I don't lead this child to do). Ha ha you old bag, shows you what you know about little kids.

11:02 am Enraged
As the girl sobs loudly at her desk the Assistant Principal informs me that her "private" conversation with the child has sufficiently calmed the child and that I should employ such tactics to maintain control of my class. Then she leaves. Yeah, thanks for that.

12:20 pm Depressed
During lunch time I cry for about 20 minutes.




2:50 pm Happy
Aboubacar grows 3 levels in reading after showing 0 growth from September to January. THANK GOD!



3:50 pm Ecstatic
My lowest students stay till 4:45 today. Whereas last week they were out of control, this week I have them on lock down and they actually seemed to understand my lesson on plural words.


5:20 pm Exhausted
My last student is finally picked up. God I am tired.




10:30 pm Overwhelmed
I can't believe I have to do this all over again tomorrow.

Yikes!

Today, at about 2'oclock pm, there was a shooting within 30 yards of my school.

Weighing the Consequences

Which is the more selfish action?
To abandon my job and leave my kids to a series of substitutes OR
to stay in my job, but become embittered to the point of apathy?

I'm very unlikely to quit (the job openings in my required salary range are relatively slim). However, given the attitude of the other first grade teachers (and my rapidly decreasing patience), the second option seems almost inevitable. What would you do?

Dream Deferred

Last week my kids went to the school library where the school librarian taught them about Martin Luther King. Our school librarian grew up in the segregated south so she tried to explain to my students what segregation was like. She talked about how inadequate her education had been.She explained that black people weren't allowed to go to school with white people. She explained that the kids at her school didn't have enough materials, and that all their books were old and broken.

There are no white students in my school. Though the school does get newish text books, the school does lack many supplies and materials. Right now I'm teaching a geometry unit without the benefit of enough block shapes to teach my students about 3-D figures. My students with special needs (language difficulties, ESL, emotional difficulties) never get the services to which they are legally entitled. A week in which my students receive even 45 minutes of ESL instruction is a miracle. But my school isn't even that bad: we received a B+ grade on the NYC quality review.

How do you explain the importance of the civil rights movement to six year olds if some things haven't changed significantly?

Where did they find these people?

Recently I have found myself saying things like "I hate my job" and "Teaching is killing my soul" etc., etc. I want to assure you that this sentiment is in no way related to my feelings toward my students. By and large, my kids are good mini, semi-developed people. When they do bad things, many times they can't help it because they are just kids.

In fact, the reason that teaching has created a blackhole of despair within my heart is due to the many borderline retarded adults that I must deal with on a daily basis. These people have no excuse for their bad acts. Let me introduce you to the cast of characters a la a Parent-teacher conference note home (meaning a positive and a "delta" comment):

Guidance Counselor: Well-meaning older woman who has trouble stringing together a coherent sentence and following clear and written directions. She excels at discussing students' family life ("Did you know Child is getting evicted?") and learning difficulties ("He's supposed to be in the third grade but he's real low") in a loud whisper in front of the class. She struggles with correctly pronouncing the names of the students she "counsels;" guiding students; counseling students.

Assistant Principal: A superficial woman who smiles like she's running for mayor of Shiteatingrinsburg, especially when she chastises you. She excels at talking about herself, faking interest in you and your students, and inventing useless tasks that sap time and energy without benefiting students. She struggles with caring about anything in your classroom beyond what goes on a bulletin board. We have this fun game called "Who's the boss?" in which she makes me wonder who my boss is because she always goes through a third party (rather than come to me herself) to explain her expectations or when she thinks I've failed to meet them. There's another fun game we play in which she tells me I'm late to dismiss my students even though her watch is 5 minutes fast.

Payroll Secretary: A ball-buster who struggles only with being friendly and treating people she has known for less than 5 years with even the slightest shred of respect usually afforded to a fellow human being. She enjoys talking on her cell phone, rolling her eyes whenever I speak to her, and hanging up on me when I call the office.

School Nurse: I have no idea who this person is. I'm serious. I've only ever seen the school nurse once and I can barely remember if it's a she or a he. What I do know, however, is that the school nurse is a kind of mythical creature that is rarely in its office. When it is at school, it refuses to see students during its lunch break (which doesn't correspond to any of the kids' lunch breaks). Note that when I say "refuse" I mean that it will not even ask a child about his ailment before shutting the door in his face. Today it turned away an asthmatic student complaining of difficulty breathing because it was on its lunch break.

Newsflash: Talking is Important to Teaching

I have laryngitis and cannot speak above a whisper. Yesterday, despite my condition, I decided I would try to teach my first graders. BIG MISTAKE. None of my students could hear me so they all started fooling around and stopped paying attention. Because I couldn't speak louder than a whisper, I couldn't convey an angry or firm tone -- everything just sounded like I was telling them a secret, which apparently is not scary enough to merit their respect. I started banging on things and shaking a jar full of marbles to get their attention. It was pretty pathetic. My voice got worse and I had to go home. Lesson learned: If I can't talk, I can't teach.

Substitute bamma

I took my first ever sick day on Tuesday because I needed a break. It was pretty stressful because I spent a lot of time meticulously preparing a substitute packet that included my classroom rules and procedures, lesson plans for each of the 6 content areas my children study, and all the materials necessary to execute those plans. I was at school until 8 pm on Monday getting all of these things ready for the substitute the next day.

The woman who subbed for me yesterday is a retired teacher who is scary as all hell. She is 5'3", has short, blonde hair that sticks up in odd points all around her head and thick cataracts that make her eyes look blue. She looks like a witch and she is mean. She hangs around the school going to classrooms and scaring children into submission by berating them (which you should note is completely different than making them cry). I told her all about the plans I left for her, and she told me she'd teach them.

Today when I got to school I found all of my careful plans and materials completely untouched. The students workbooks were empty, and the homework I had prepared had not been distributed. I have no idea what the hell that teacher taught yesterday but I could rip her eyes out for not teaching what I left for her. What the fuck is the point of having someone stand in your place if they won't even do what you've left for them to do? I asked around and heard that the sub definitely had my kids "in check" (meaning she screamed at them a lot). I might as well have told all the kids not to come to school yesterday if all they were going to do was get yelled at by some crazy witch woman.

That's why Ms. Patterson is the bamma of the week. She pretty much ruined my day off because I had to spend so much time the day before preparing for it, and I even spent a lot of time planning my lessons for today. I'd post a picture of her here but I wouldn't want to scare you. Just imagine a 75 year old black woman with Lisa Simpson's hair cut and no soul.

Bad Day

I have been teaching for exactly four weeks. It has been a very long four weeks. I had a very long day, and I have 3 more days ahead of me. I miss my old my life.
Here's a list of all the things I miss about my old life:

* having a two day weekend where I do no work on either day
* having a relatively easy job
* having a car (I've been lugging supplies to and from school every day on a bus and the subway)
* enjoying the end of the summer and the fall
* being able to watch Nats games on TV, and not just when they're playing the Mets
* being close to my family
* having any time to myself
* feeling like I can successfully do my job
* fractured prune donuts
* having time and energy to run
* my cell phone (I lost it somewhere)


September is a very hard time for new teachers. Particularly teachers with no training or affinity for children. Today is just a bad day, and it will get better. I just wish I could fast forward to that time where it will be better so I could stop struggling through every day until then. I'm only writing this so that when I get to that magical and easy time I can look back and laugh (or, more likely, be thankful that it's over).

First Day of School

Today was my first time in first grade since I was a first grader. It's not as easy or as fun to be on the other side of the rocking chair.

On a scale of one to five, one being "I'm going to pretend like this whole day never happened, and quit" and five being "Teaching is so inspiring I can't wait to do it for the rest of my life!!", I would rank my feelings about today as a solid 2.5. No one threw anything, no one fought, and there was only one child who cried. All in all, a respectable first day effort. The only downside is that I have to do this same thing all over again 180 more times.

Calendar Craziness

In 8 days I will become an official first grade teacher. I just got home and was using Edhelper.com (a pay website that helps teachers make worksheets and all sorts of stuff) to make a calendar for the first month of school. Edhelper is obsessed with fake holidays (like National Butterscotch Pudding day) and had suggested that I put a picture for each of these fake holidays into my calendar. Since I am not a fan of fake holidays, I had just been mindlessly refusing all of Edhelper's suggestions. And then I started taking a closer look at their suggested graphics, which are awesomely mystifying. Check out some of these examples:

"Children's Good Manners Month"
Suggested graphics include two children talking; a person taking child's pose; two bees talking, the sinking of the Titanic; and telephone operators at a switch board. Yep, that's children's good manners in a nutshell.


Grandparents Day

In case you couldn't tell, that first graphic is a small child opening her front door to find a polar bear. I guess the polar bear is supposed to be her grandparent? Or maybe the polar bear comes because she didn't celebrate?


Hollywood Magic Day/Childhood Cancer Month
First of all, these two "celebrations" are a little too disparate for me to feel comfortable with their grouping. I mean seriously, one is the title of an Access Hollywood segment, and the other is a tragedy. But, Edhelper does what it wants. That's why it has suggested three graphics that seem to be unrelated to Hollywood, magic, cancer and any combination of these terms.