The Olympics Runs My Lifes

For the last 8 days I've spent more time than usual in front of my TV with my computer open. Here, in brief, is my reaction to a solid 3 hours of Olympic programming:

Men's 3-Meter Springboard Diving Finals
8:50 pm Dmitry Sautin is a bad-ass (apparently). The announcers keep talking about how hardcore he is because he's old (34 y.o.) and Russian. Also, he has all these scars from prior injuries, one of which was gained from a knife fight. I don't care how many times announcer Ted Robinson says he looks like a Bond villain, I simply cannot agree that a balding man in a speedo looks at all intimidating.

9:01 Five o'clock shadow is not particularly attractive on someone's chest. Alex Despatie, I'm talking to you.

9:30 FINALLY. Diving is over. God I wish I had been dead-blogging this. DVR would've definitely helped because I can't take another McDonald's commercial.

Men's 200 Meter Dash Semi-Finals
9:44 Why is US Sprinter Wallace Spearmon's tongue blue? It looks like he ate a razzberry blue blow pop before coming to the blocks. If he wins, he should totally become a Blow Pop spokesperson.

Men's Parallel Bars Finals
10:01 Do male gymnasts wear cups?

10:10 I'm trying really hard to be happy for Uzbekistan's Anton Fokin, as he is now the first Uzbeki to ever medal in a gymnastics event. But all I keep thinking is that his name sounds a lot like the F word. If I was the editor of the Uzbeki-equivalent of the New York Post, tomorrow's head line would be: So Fokin Good!

Women's 400 Meter dash finals
10:38 Go go go Sanya Richards!
10:38:30
Well that was disappointing. Better luck next time Sanya.

Women's 100 Meter hurdles
10:48 Whose job is it to have a flag ready for medal winners to drape themselves with? That seems like it'd be a pretty stressful job to be able to quickly identify the flag of the winners.

10:55 As I'm watching Lolo Jones, favorite to win the Women's 100 meter hurdles, cry because she hit a hurdle and lost, I can't help but notice how similar athletic event cameramen are to paparazzi. I feel like I'm not supposed to see this.

Women's Balance Beam
10:52 Whoever does the Chinese women's team makeup has truly done these young women a disservice by lining their eyes in electric blue. It doesn't match their uniforms, and it certainly doesn't compliment their skintone.

10:55 The announcers are so passive aggressive about the scoring. How many ways can they insinuate that the judges are stupid? If I was drinking to (rather than blogging about) the Olympics, all I'd have to do to get drunk is take a shot each time Elfie Schlegel says something disparaging about the judging.

11:06 Shawn Johnson is a little elf of a girl. I mean seriously:11:27 Wow, the announcers are really overly excited about the Japanese gymnast's fall off the balance beam (thus clinching the gold for the little Iowan elf). These announcers are so in love with little Shawn.

11:31 I am so tired of the Olympics, but I can't turn it off. I feel obligated to keep watching through Bella Karolyi's interview just because his accent is hilarious. I don't know if I can sit through this medals ceremony if Al Trautwig continues to pour on the sentiment so heavily ("Now begins Shawn's dream sequence!").

11:34 The announcers fall silent as the anthem plays. I can only assume it's because they are weeping quietly.

11:44 I guess Bella Karolyi's sideburns never got the memo that 1979 is over.

Men's High Bar Finals
11:49 Just as I was about to go to sleep Dutch gymnast Epke Zonderland busts his ass off the high bar. Yikes!

Alright, I'm done. No amount of Bella Karolyi could lure me to stay up later.

Don't go there Anderson

I was going to blog about something ridiculous and make fun of it to much hilarious effect, and then I found this video and figured -- why bother? Anderson Cooper is more than catty enough for the both of us.

Is it just me or...

Recently, I've been watching more America's Best Dance Crew than should be considered healthy, and have noticed that Lil Mama (singer of my favorite song about lip gloss) is secretly 80 years old.

Exhibit A: Lil Mama's crazy color-coordinated and bedazzled outfits.
Lil Mama is definitely receiving some divine inspiration from a grandma somewhere down in Florida. Or maybe she's just a fan of Maxine from Shoebox cards. Whatever the source, it's clear that Lil Mama likes rhinestones on everything from her baseball cap to her track jacket.

Exhibit B: Lil Mama's often incoherent judgements.
This verbatim judgement is from a recent episode. I assure you that, even in context, this quote is highly incomprehensible.

Um uh I definitely feel that you guys need to rehearse different types of sway. Because um you're opening was great, and that's something that you're used to you know what I mean. Uh wavey fingers and stuff like that -- I don't know what you call it. It was cute. And then and then y'all went into the bounce. You know what I mean. And the bounce was kinda off then y'all caught it. Ya know what I mean? The bounce was really fast and then it went slow. Ya know what I mean? You gotta learn how to bounce in and out of music. [Throws to a slow mo clip of a dancer doing a wind mill] This is what makes you guys so great. When you can have one person doing this, while the rest of you guys are occupying the audience you know what I mean and keeping us entertained. Just make sure that you put that extra stab in the heart of the chicken. You feel me? Do y'all thang.

Exhibit C: She's called Lil Mama, which sounds like a grandma's nickname.

Ladies and gentleman, I rest my case.

And the real shows are....

Show 1: REAL
This show is currently in production and it's called My Fair Lady. The premise is that Donald Trump (of all people) is going to be the arbiter of taste and class for the tramps. I'm undecided as to whether or not that is as confusing an idea as having Kathy Hilton act as role model for class.
Fifteen women who "party hard" (they party hard but are NOT Flava of Love contestants) are sent to live in a boarding school-like environment where they will learn about self-improvement and female-empowerment to turn from tramps to ladies.

Show 2: REAL
This show is supposedly in production, and I hope to God it's true because I would definitely watch this show. I'd have to stop watching, though, if the kids never actually changed and were just like Nicole & Paris on the Simple Life.
Former stars of My Super Sweet Sixteen are sent to live with indigenous tribes in faraway countries.

Show 3: FAKE
Six prisoners at a minimum security prison agree to be placed in solitary confinement and undergo mental and physical challenges in an attempt to win $150,000.

Show 4: REAL
This show was called Who's your daddy? and aired (surprise!) on Fox.
An adopted woman is introduced to eight men who may or may not be her biological father. The girl must correctly choose her father to win a $100,000 prize.

Show 5: REAL
This show is called Celebra Cadabra, and was the inspiration for this entire post. When I saw the first episode I was so confused as to why it would exist that I actually had to look up the show online to make sure it wasn't just some kind of prank.
Seven celebrities team with seven professional magicians and compete in magical challenges. The winning team wins $100,000.

Show 6: FAKE
Ten celebrities learn the tricks of the paparazzi trade and attempt to take the best shot each week. The celebrity who survives the competition wins $250,000.

Show 7: REAL
This was a British show, but it was featured on some Vh1 clip show. It was called There's something about Miriam, and the more I consider each show's premise the more I become convinced that this is the most despicable show. However, it is not the most potentially boring; that honor is reserved for Celebra Cadabra, which despite my aversion have managed to see 3 times already.
A group of men compete for the heart of a woman in a Bachelorette-esque dating show. Unbeknownst to the men, the object of their affections is a post-operative transexual who has only recently become a woman.

What reality do these shows come from?

To say that reality television is ridiculous is to waste your breath preaching to the choir. Just about everyone would agree with that point. Recently, however, I have noticed that reality television shows have become even more ridiculous than usual. To prove my point, I have written a description of 7 reality shows below. Five of the descriptions are for shows that are in production or have already aired. Two of the descriptions are for fictional shows that I made up. See if you can figure out which of the descriptions are for an actual show.

Show 1
Fifteen women who "party hard" (they party hard but are NOT Flava of Love contestants) are sent to live in a boarding school-like environment where they will learn about self-improvement and female-empowerment to turn from tramps to ladies.

Show 2
Former stars of My Super Sweet Sixteen are sent to live with indigenous tribes in faraway countries.

Show 3
Six prisoners at a minimum security prison agree to be placed in solitary confinement and undergo mental and physical challenges in an attempt to win $150,000.

Show 4
An adopted woman is introduced to eight men who may or may not be her biological father. The girl must correctly choose her father to win a $100,000 prize.

Show 5
Seven celebrities team with seven professional magicians and compete in magical challenges. The winning team wins $100,000.

Show 6
Ten celebrities learn the tricks of the paparazzi trade and attempt to take the best shot each week. The celebrity who survives the competition wins $250,000.

Show 7
A group of men compete for the heart of a woman in a Bachelorette-esque dating show. Unbeknownst to the men, the object of their affections is a post-operative transexual who has only recently become a woman.

The best commercial EVER

Ever since I moved to New York, I have had a song stuck in my head. That song, of course, is the reggaeton optimum cable ad. I have no idea how it happened, since I dislike reggaeton, but this ad has me hypnotized. Not only does the song stay with you, but the entire production -- from the pirates to the man dressed as a sea monster, is ridiculous. After discovering a large number of videos featuring people singing 877-393-4448 on Youtube, I know I'm not alone. So come on mi gente, watch this ad.





Here's another reggaeton ad, but this one is completely in Spanish.

4 Ws

Who hired that little girl from the Texas Instruments DLP ads?
In case you don't watch many TI ads, let me inform you: a little girl and an elephant travel around telling people about the superior picture quality of DLP and the girl talks about mirrors. At least she would talk about mirrors if she was able to pronounce the word. I am so sick of hearing that little girl exclaim "It's the meers!" Listen girlie, mirror has two syllables and if you don't pronounce both you're just talking about an African rodent.

What does "explosive diarrhea" mean?
Is there a form of non-explosive diarrhea?

Why does Vh1 insist on trying to ruin my faith in humanity?
Between Rock of Love2 and Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew I find it hard to imagine a bright future for society.

When will people realize that children + zippers = disaster?
Small children lack the manual dexterity and problem solving skills to fix a broken zipper, and I lack the patience to fix a zipper dilemma EVERY day. Down with zippers & up with snap button coats!

Lay off the kid

For the past four weeks I have been bombarded via newspaper, television, the Internet, and even my beloved NPR, all about Sanjaya Malakar. Though I generally hate most people on television, I bear absolutely no ill will towards this adolescent boy. I don't like him nor have I voted for him, but all this attention is a little overblown. Everyone has an opinion about how awful this kid is, as if the future of American Idol, as well as all pop music -- and perhaps even all humanity -- is inextricably bound with Sanjaya's success on this show. What's the big deal?

Sure he's not the best singer -- but who cares? Haley Scarnato isn't a good singer, but no one is all up in arms that she's made it this far. And that red-headed kid that sucked so bad 3 years ago made it to the top 6, but I don't remember there being an entire movement against him. And really, aren't there tons of successful singers out there who are just as bad as Sanjaya? Where was this ire when Paris Hilton released her album? And why is Akon allowed impunity? His music should not be on the radio but rather kept behind a pharmacy counter and sold as an emetic. And yet none of these rabid Sanjaya haters -- not even that fat lady who refused to eat until he lost -- are so angry at anyone else who is a musician who sucks.

With 8 weeks to go, it's a little premature to worry that Sanjaya's going to win this contest. Successful or not, no AI winner thus far has been a notably bad singer so just calm down and trust in the AI voting system (probably a better bet than trusting your local government's system...). I know he sucks, but you only have to listen to him sing for 5 minutes each week, and that's only if you choose to watch the show. Plus he's so helpless -- he's like a 3 legged bunny or some equally nonthreatening rodent. How can you get so mad at an effeminate teenage boy? So, if you're calling into NPR to spew bile about Sanjaya, or you're writing a diatribe about him you need to just chill. If you want to know about a real threat to America, read a nerd-cum-dating coach blog.

American Idolatry not as shallow as I would like

Pop Quiz: Who is the man shown in this picture?


If you answered the inevitable outcome of a love tryst between O, Brother Where Art Thou co-stars John Turturro and Tim Blake Nelson, you would be technically correct, though missing the point. No, this man is Elliot Yamin, one of the remaining four contestants on American Idol.

I am floored that he's made it this far. I grant you that I have little to no knowledge as to the difference between good and great singing, and I hear that he's apparently the best male vocalist they've ever had. But still, this guy? Look at this picture, he kind of looks like Batboy. And since when has American Idol been about who sings the best?


At first I thought that Paris' elimination this past Wednesday was just another continuation of American Idol's two most frequencly recurring themes 1) a doofy white guy makes it far in the competition (does it get doofier than Clay Aiken?) and 2) an amazing and attractive femal vocalist (Tamyra Gray, Jennifer Hudson) is voted off before taking her rightful spot in the Top 3. But I didn't feel completely comfortable making that assumption since I've only ever heard Elliot sing a few times. I always fast-forward Elliot's performances because watching his face as he sings make me cringe. I'm not joking, and I can't explain it other than his face fills me with pity because he's not attractive. Yes I am just that shallow. So to explore the fascination with this man who, as far as I can tell, is talented but not that interesting or attractive, I decided to break one of my own rules about how I should spend my time and I visited a message board on the Idol website. Here was my favorite fan testimonial:

"...for the first time in years i have found myself praying again, and praying for elliott, because i honestly see a lot of myself in him, like when he cried after his mom's video and he said he missed his family and friends, and how down to earth he is, and also i have prayed because i truly feel he deserves it."
~ a 27 year old message boarder who sympathizes with Yamin because her mother died recently and his mother is ill

I'm a changed woman. Sure he's weird looking, but apparently he's a powerful man -- after all he re-united this woman with her God. Plus he's also hard of hearing, his mom is sick, and he seems to cry a lot. So I guess I understand why people overlook his face and vote for him (pity). From here on out, I will join this pity-party and will throw all my non-voting American Idol support behind Yamin. Might as well, my Idol pool is shot to hell since he made it to the top 4 anyway.




P.S. It was disturbingly easy to find a picture of the two Brother stars standing a little-too-close together. Maybe they really do have a love child, and maybe it really is Yamin?

I guess Colorado is cool

MTV has announced that its upcoming season of the Real World (its 18th season in case you wanted to be shocked at how many of those damn things MTV has produced) is going to be shot in..... hold your breath..... Denver. Denver? Are you freaking kidding me? What the hell is so special about Denver? I have been waiting for 10 freaking years for this stupid show to come to Washington, and I thought that surely it would happen soon. I figured they'd have to slum it in Texas for a few years in the crap hole that is Houston, or worse-- spend some time in the capital of all things annoyingly fake cowboy, Dallas. But eventually they'd have to make their way over to our part of the BoWash Megalopolis. It never even occurred to me that they'd go to Denver of all places before Washington.

Having never been to Denver in my life (and possessing zero desire to visit) I feel I can safely say that Washington is better than Denver. As far as I can tell, all Denver has that DC lacks is a higher concentration of Republicans, and a lower concentration of air (things that may quite possibly be related). So what is scaring MTV away from DC? Is it DC's reputation for being stuffy and political (aka old and ugly)? I guess that's true, but this is where all the sweet sex scandals happen. To my knowledge, no president ever cigar-banged a 23 year old in Denver. Plus our former mayor smoked crack while in office and we still elected him to be on the city council. That indicates both our penchant for illicit drugs and forgiveness. And don't get me started on the complete lack of bribery in Denver. How do the people there get their persian rugs, if not from defense contractors? On top of all the adultery, drugs and bribery, DC has a lot of young people who like to get drunk. And drunk twenty-somethings are the entire point of the Real World. You lose, Denver.

Eventhough I think that the Real World has been unbearable for the past 5 years, this show can't end till it comes to DC. I have it all planned out, all Bunim-Murray has to do is find 7 morons and follow my plan: the real worlders arrive at their Dupont row house as the trite "I love my boyfriend until I realize I can have sex with someone hotter" storyline is already beginning to play out for two of the Real Worlders; the homosexual roommate disappears into the DC gayborhood never to be heard from again until the cast reunion. By day the cast would intern on Capitol Hill, where they could hone their copying and flirting skills, and by night they would drink in Adams Morgan, where they could hone their knife fighting skills. They could get arrested on the Metro for eating, boo Dick Cheney at a Nats game, help some tourists successfully find their way to the Spy museum, and attend a political rally -- basically live the well-rounded DC experience. Somewhere in there they could do all the mundane Real World activities, like make out in a hot tub and be too drunk and useless to work their assigned job. In the season finale, the cast would all happily agree that their season of the Real World would have been utterly unwatchable had they been forced to live in Denver.

Just passing the time

A combination of having little to do at work, and having no television to watch at home has left me with some time to ponder and enjoy some of the finer things in life: junk e-mail, 80s movies, Flavor of Love, and early 90s R&B. You know, pretty much the creme de la creme of American culture.

Best fake email names
Junk e-mail gets sent to my work e-mail account every day and the fake names have just been a complete joy to read. The following names are a sampling of my faves, most of which sound like the names of Harry Potter characters:
Saturninus Scutt
Dmiter Cooter
Athanasios Bedsole
Aspasia Wayman
Polydeukes Huddle
Ginevra Pagan
If you guessed that the name "Dmiter Cooter" made me laugh out loud, then you are right.


Best 80s movie genres
The following are outstanding plot lines from some of the best movies of a classic era. I can't wait till I can start watching TV again, because a lot of these movies can be found on AMC:
* Andrew McCarthy forms an inappropriate relationship with an inanimate being (see Weekend at Bernie's I-II; Mannequin)


* Children and youth apply kid-logic & ethics to the business world and make a splash in their chosen profession (see Big; Don't tell mom the babysitter's dead)
* Richard Pryor gets money to do something (see The Toy; Brewster's Millions)


Mysteries of Flavor of Love
This show may be over, but the confusion it has caused me unfortunately continues. If only I could watch TV to see the reunion!! Here are the burning questions that are bothering me:
1) Is being on TV really so important that a person would become physically intimate with Flava Flav?


2) What would someone have to offer you to make you want to have sex, or even kiss, Flava Flav? My answer is a bribe that includes a 9-figure check, a panda and a new set of teeth (for me AND him).
3) I think these women are pretty good at acting as many convincingly feigned interest in the hip-hop hobbit, so how come they haven't been cast in more films or TV shows? You know they'd probably do soft-core porn as most of them fullfill the three main requirements: a comfort with wearing very little clothing, having little to no dignity, and having an unabiding desire to be on camera.
4) How did Smilie get enough time off from her job (which I presume must be pole-dancing) to appear on the show?
5) Does Pumkin really make $60,000 a year as her Myspace page would have us believe?


6) Finally, do you think that New York (aka the girl who reminds me of Melanie, though New York is slightly less sane) feels pretty smug now given that she was right about Pumkin being a lesbian? Do you think she is also right about Hoopz?


Best R&B girl groups of the early nineties:
1) En Vogue (hands down winners)
2) SWV
3) Jade
Now I know what you're thinking -- that I'm giving too much credit to Jade and unfairly discounting Brownstone, who also could have made this list. Well you're wrong. I rollerskated to "Don't walk away boy" a hundred times and that song is my jam. And it'd be your jam too if you knew what was what. Plus Jade's album is called "Jade to the max" and they are all wearing bustier tops with high waisted jeans -- you don't get more '93 than that.

I am bereft

Television is my life partner. It has been one of my nearest and dearest friends for as long as I can remember. It has taught me how to interact with my peers (see My so-called life in 6th grade); how to dance (the Grind in middle school); how to craft (TLC day time television in the 10th grade) and helped me learn (see my addiction to the Discovery channel in high school, and my fascination with 3-2-1 Contact in 4th and 5th grade). Television has also taught me the difference between right and wrong (Homicide, Law & Order)and, more importantly, the difference between funny (Golden Girls; Cheers) and unfunny (most shows that come on NBC at 8:30 on Thursday). More recently it has taught me how not to act like a single moron (Sex and the city) and how to kill and dispose of mob snitches (The Sopranos). Of course, my faithful attention to the morning and evening broadcasts of News4 also keep me informed (Bobbie, I expect my check/offer to be in a News4 ad is in the mail?).

Television is the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I see in the morning. I turn it on immediately upon walking through the door when I get home from work, and when I'm the only one home it makes great company. I know that if you were a first-grader (or Mike or Leah) you'd probably be thinking to yourself, 'Well if you love television so much, why don't you marry it?!' And to that I say, I would in a heartbeat if I thought I could be the good wife that television deserves.

All week long, every time I've mentioned to people that I'm trying to refrain from watching television the general response has been an aghast "Why?!" Yeah, I don't know either. TV, I love you and can't wait till I get to see you again. I'll never, ever leave you like that again.

Yay Chloe won!

I apologize to those of you who haven't been watching Project Runway, because then you probably won't appreciate this blog. Also because I pity you -- what have you been doing at 10pm on Wednesdays for the past 3 months?? Chloe, who was great all season, won. I don't know how I felt about her collection but she's clearly talented and plus she was a refugee so I'm glad she won. Well whether or not you're a fan of this show, here are some thoughts I had last night while watching the show's finale:


1) If this girl accessorized correctly (headless wife, turkey leg), she'd be a dead ringer for King Henry VIII.


2) King Henry VIII won't be lonely though, because here comes Ponce De Leon, no doubt still looking for that fountain of youth.


3) The next year is going to be so lonely without Tim Gunn. If only I could marry him -- I'd make it work Tim, really I would! (If you watch this show and have not yet read his blog, do so now)

4) I'm glad Michael Kors put down that self-tanner. He was beginning to look like the world's tallest oompa-loompa.


5) Daniel V. and Santino's model Heather should have a gaunt-off to see who looks the hungriest. These two need a donut, stat!


















6) Love-to-hate. Hate-to-love. Not aesthetically pleasing. Over-the-top. Those are the search terms that I'm hoping Santino will use so that he will read my blog, since in his words he did read "every s****y blog" about him. So now that Santino is no-doubt reading, I want him to know that I think his collection was definitely the best of the top 3, and that his song wasn't that bad either, though I would've preferred "Daniel Franco where did ya go" or "Ligthen Up (It's just fashion)".

7)Kara did get to do her own runway show (watch it here), and I actually liked it the best -- partially because there were no British kings or Spanish explorers in her show.


8) Who among us hasn't fallen victim to an unflattering picture? Certainly the winning model, Grace, did in this pic. She's not ugly, per se, but this picture is the opposite of attractive:

I think Heidi could take Tyra in a fight

In Heidi Klum's dichotomous, black-and-white, in-or-out, pregnant-not-pregnant (though mostly pregnant) world there is no gray area. So in homage to that completely un-nuanced outlook on life, here are the things that are in and those that are out (according to me):

Out: The Daily Show
In: The Colbert Show
Truthiness is a lot better than fake interviews.

Out: Sudoku
In: Samurai SudokuMore Asian = more better.

Out:Making fun of Tom Cruise
In: Fearing Tom Cruise
Haven't heard from him in a while -- a fact for which I'm glad, but which also makes me afraid. What is he up to? You know he's planning something.

Out:Blogs as daily journal
In: Blogs as celebrity stalking toolI don't care how you currently feel or what music you like. I do, however, care about how famous people feel and what kind of music they like. So if you aren't famous, keep your feelings to yourself.

Out: Turin
In: Torino. One is shroud-y, the other sounds like a car made by Nissan, and, due mainly to their high resale value and quality Japanese design, Nissan cars will always beat Jesus.

Out:Brokeback Mountain
In: Capote

They both feature homosexual men and the midwest, but between the two Capote has no actors that starred in either Bubble Boy or 10 Things I Hate About You.

Out: Writing paragraphs
In: Making listsComplete sentences are laaaame

Out:Heterosexuals
In: Homosexuals
Forget your conspiracy theories about Jews and the Masons -- it's the homosexuals that run the country -- at least the fashion/tv/pop culture part of it -- and I think that's fabulous.

Out:Thinking that MTV's show "Real World Gauntlet" is what's wrong with America.
In: Knowing that MTV's show "Parental Control" is a sign of the apocalpyse.For those of you not in the know, Parental Control try and stay that way. Trust me. This is one of those shows that makes you wish that were watching MTV's other quality TV show "Next."

Out:Making fun of Dick Cheney because he's a jerk
In: Making fun of Dick Cheney because he shot someone in the face I have a feeling that making of fun of Dick Cheney for being a jerk will eventually lead to you being shot in the face, so try to avoid hunting or fishing with him.

Out:Quality
In: QuantityA smattering of slapped-together entries that are posted every few days compared to a thought-out weekly entry allows me to talk to Jerome without him telling to just write a blog.

auf Wiedersehen

If only the contest was for making faces not making clothes! But alas, it isn't and thus, tonight Andrae Gonzalo heard the most dreaded phrase in all of fashion (and not just because of Heidi's accent). So to honor the passing of my emotionally unstable, face-making Project Runway counterpart, here is a photo/music montage (feel free to weep silently as you read):

There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain


All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all


But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you


And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before


I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before


I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more


In my life I love you more

Scott Baio sighs in relief at news he may still be employed

Thank you God, you've answered my prayers! Arrested Development may be picked up on Showtime. While I had hoped it'd be picked up by HBO (because let's face it, Showtime shows are bad) Showtime's better than nothing! In the meantime while this deal is still in the works, enjoy Bob Loblaw's Law Blog which apparently is real.

Rest in Peace...

... the TalKim marriage... Your engagment burned bright and fast like a white star that burned itself out. Who am I kidding, clearly the best comparison for this engagement is a coke high. The real tragedy here is that Talan will never have that threesome, though I'm always looking on the bright side. Hopefully the next LB alum on K.Stew's list is J-Wahl.



... Arrested Development... what a sudden and senseless death for the funniest show on television. Truly, you deserved better. My only consolation is that Gob and Lindsay are in heaven doing their chicken impressions with God. And also that George Michael finally made out with Maeby.

... Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey... I guess Jessica finally realized she could probably get someone better, and that Nick realized that he is just some Cinci-trash. But still, even deaths that are long over due should be mourned. I'm hoping this death is quickly followed by the death of Joe Simpson's creepy hold over his daughters. Maybe Jessica will get involved with a scientologist a la Katie Holmes and break ties with her friends and family?

... Laguna Beach... This death hurts me the most, since its more of a persistent vegetative state than actual death. Nonetheless it's the kind of vegetative state that merits starving to death. LB's third season stars are busted. More busted than even Kristin's friend Alex. This show is totally Dunzo. And The Hills is Dunzo On Arrival. Without an evil foil like Kristin, LC is just a fashion poseur making googly eyes at any guy who tells her she's pretty. So listen up LC either get addicted to Heroin or get off tv, because you're not interesting.

... the Terrapins' hopes for the post season... Death has thankfully come to put this turtle out of its long-suffering and tortuous misery. Sometimes, the Lord is merciful, maybe he will also be generous and give us a good quarterback for next year? (Watch out, because as sad as it makes me the Redskins are in the ICU and probably about to join the terps)