Et tu Facebook?

As any of my Facebook-abstaining friends will tell you, I am an advocate of the FB. I try my hardest to convince stalwarts to give in and join. I think it's magical that I can stalk just about anyone who is trusting enough to let me have consistent access to information about their whereabouts and pictures of their drinking problems. And I can do all of this without even having to talk to anyone.

That's why I HATE Facebook chat. I like to avoid the awkward "What have you been up to?" conversation. It always peters out and then each of you normally pretends that you have an interest in hanging out together (which you obviously don't). This is draining all the joy I derive from FB. I think more people need to be as happy as I am with a superficial cyberspace friendship. I'm content to know that a middle school acquaintance is attending an "I lost my phone" party because their friend dropped a phone in a toilet. And I can abide by an ex-coworker sending me application invites (even when they are lame and encourage me to take quizzes). Chat must be stopped. Is it too much to ask to be left alone to scroll through the wedding pictures of a high-school romantic rival without actually having to talk to her?

(P.S. I think there is a way to hide your availability on FBchat, and if anyone knows how to do that, let me know. Just don't do it by chatting me on Facebook.)