Time to start living right

So it's the end of another eventful year and it's time to start thinking about what's wrong with your life and how you want to change it in the next year (which normally only means the first 3 weeks of January). However, as I am above reproach in every way, I have only one resolution: to be more judgemental. In the spirit of my resolution, I thought I'd help out the less fortunate of society, specifically those who lack the critical skills to look at their own lives and to see what they're doing wrong. This is part one of a list of resolutions that other people should strongly consider taking up in the new year.

Get a hobby.
This is a picture of a man with way too much time on his hands. He lives in Minnesota yet he found the time to make a sign, go to Pinellas Pines, Florida and fight for the right of a woman in a persistent vegetative state (later revealed to be irreversibly brain-damaged) to live. What a waste of poster board. Look, I feel very strongly about many things. However, I also have bills to pay, a job, blogs to write, tv to watch, and friends to see. Doesn't he have these things, too? If he doesn't he should get a g-d damned hobby. He looks like the sort that would enjoy hunting, maybe even wood working. Failing that, nascar. I suggest that he look into those possible hobbies in the new year. They're far less annoying for the rest of the country.

But maybe, I'm being too harsh. You could make the argument that this man was just standing up for his rights and fighting for what he believes in -- in a sense he's even a patriot. Now if you made that argument, you'd be wrong and someone I probably wouldn't want to know. But even if I was generous with the last shmuck, there's no saving this next loser. Seriously, even Jesus hates this woman.

How do you find the time? Do you just save up the vacation days and then tell your boss: 'I'm off to California to camp outside a courthouse to support a twice-accused child molester freak show who hasn't made a good record in over ten years. I'll be back in two months!' And where the hell did this twat find doves? And what would she have done if he was found guilty? See now look, this woman's lunacy is impinging upon my own free time. This is why this b. should take up needle point, perhaps even needle pointing pillows with each of Michael Jackson's many faces. Since she's so good with birds she could even take up bird watching. Bottom line, most protesters needs hobbies that don't involve poster making or dove releasing. If they find the whole protesting thing too hard to give up, I suggest taking a baby step: become a raiders fan. That way all that energy can be channeled into something that's easy for everyone to ignore because the raiders suck so bad.