DC Slogan Suggestions

So I'm a bit late with this news, but I figured it was worth talking about anyway: Washington D.C. is looking for a new slogan so as to rebrand itself and increase tourism. In order to rebrand the city, the DC government has hired an ad agency who in turn is inviting Washingtonians to "share their DC". As a 4th generation Washingtonian with a blog, I feel like it is my duty to suggest a few new slogans. Note that when I describe myself as a "Washingtonian" I do mean that I have only ever lived in the MD suburbs, but that's good enough. Far better, than say, living in NoVa where a bunch of slave-lovers took back the land they had originally given for the creation of the federal city. But this post is about Washington slogans (not why NoVa sucks) so let me proceed.

A slogan's supposed to encourage tourism and pride, and, if it's really good, make reference to a well known fact about the state (click here for a list of state slogans). For example, DC should aspire to get a slogan like Idaho's: "Great Potatoes. Tasty Destinations." That slogan makes me think for a second that it might be okay to at least drive through Idaho -- and I would've never considered that before.

DC's current slogans are abysmal. "Taxation without Representation" is a complaint, not a slogan. And, on top of that, it's unoriginal. DC might as well print "We're whiny and haven't come up with anything clever since 1776" on its license plates. "Celebrate and Discover" is just a meaningless phrase that makes DC sound as boring as Connecticut ("Full of Surprises") or Ohio ("So Much to Discover"). And having never been to either of those places I can safely say that their slogans trying to trick you into visiting haven't worked, so I don't see why a trick slogan for DC would work either. And finally, "The American Experience" doesn't even make sense. I'm not certain what the "American Experience" is, but I'm fairly certain that you couldn't fully experience America if you only visited DC. I mean, DC isn't even that fat -- so it can't be that American.



Stand on the right, walk on the left.
This slogan tells people the right way to ride an escalator, and also makes subtle reference to politics. I love this slogan, because we as a city need to provide more instructions to the Triple Fs (FBI-shirt wearers, fanny packers, and fat-asses) that the city is trying to entice. As a corollary, the WMATA slogan should be "So easy that a dead person could use it. If you can't use it, kill yourself."


Cheap & Clean
True statements, and important qualities when looking for a city to visit. As a bonus, this is also a pretty good slogan for a prostitute or young intern -- each being popular weekend activities for certain politicos.

As smart as it is pretty. This slogan gets at two of the the cities most striking characteristics: its highly intelligent citizenry (their love of Marion Barry notwithstanding), and it's beautiful architecture and foliage. It's close to what the slogan of most government officials should be (Smarter than they are pretty). I also like that it compares beauty and smarts, because I feel that DC is the cute brunette of cities. It's not flashy or fun like a Blond (New York), but it's pretty smart and can show you a relatively good time.

Where hope and optimism come to get jaded.
Have you ever seen the Simpson's episode where Lisa goes to Washington DC for a speech contest? That's what this slogan is all about. It may not be that catchy, but I bet there are more than a few Cap Hill staffers who can attest to this fact.

The city with a penis.
I think this picture speaks for itself.

Okay DC, I've given you some slogans. Now it's your turn to take these bits of genius, print them on tee-shirts, and then send me a check.