I'm a huge loser

It's true, I'm a loser. And it's not because I live with my parents, or because I spend too much time on the Internet or because I don't go out -- though these certainly qualify me as a loser. No, I am a huge loser because I have a problem keeping track of all my personal belongings. I have lost both my wallet and my cell phone twice in the last 12 months-and this is just the latest in a lifelong trend of losiness. I have lost my passport while abroad. I lost my student ID so many times while in college that I almost had to change my actual ID number as I had nearly exhausted the total possible number of barcode combinations the school could create for SS number. (I also lost my dignity pretty frequently during college -- thanks Everclear!) I lost my contact lenses and tickets to Disney World on the same trip in fifth grade. The following story of woe and idiocy is the most recent incident of my losiness:

Recently I was in New York City, headed from the upper east side downtown near Penn Station to catch a bus home at 4:30 pm. Since I had been procrastinating (another loser tendency) and it was already 3:50 pm, so I decided to take a taxi. This taxi got caught in traffic (stress building) and was taking a while to get to my destination. At 4:20 we were still about 15 blocks away from my bus (almost drowning in my anxiety) when a cop pulled us over (my head explodes). Apparently the driver hadn't signaled while changing lanes -- and this is illegal, in New York?? Unfortunately I had no time to ponder this mystery because I had 10 minutes to get to my bus. I pay the driver and jump out of the cab. As I'm exiting, one of the police officers immediately hails me a new cab and I'm back on my way (anxiety subsides slightly, as does my anger at the NYPD). Not even a minute into my new taxi cab ride do I realize that I am no longer in possession of my wallet (I feel like I've been kicked in the lungs) which has the cash I need to have in order to board my bus and to pay the cab driver. It also has various other necessities like my ATM card and my license and my credit cards. The driver turns the taxi around but by the time we return to spot where I was picked up, my first taxi and the police are gone. And so is my wallet. This is the point in my story where I begin hyperventilating and focusing most of my energy on suppressing the urge to cry and/or vomit. My mom helps me get a busride home and it turns out that the NYPD has my wallet (I'm still calling them to figure out how to get it back).


Well luckily for me I have a lot of friends and family members on whom I can depend when I inevitably misplace something incredibly important. So thanks to everyone in the past week (and the past 24 years) who has helped me get my shit together when I couldn't manage to do it myself. I know it must be annoying to have to help me so much (and to have to listen to my dumb stories about always losing stuff) but I really, really appreciate you for it