And some movies are bad like Swimming Pool or Memoirs of a Geisha and I hate them with the passion of a thousand burning suns. Generally the difference between bad-bad and bad-good movies is length and unintentional comedy, but neither of the two movies I spent a whopping six hours watching last week could be redeemed. And when I write bad I don't mean "bad" as in "good" like the Michael Jackson song, I mean "bad" as in "oh my god I'm wasting my life and the only way to remedy this is to waste some more of my precious early 20s time blogging about it." Six hours is a ridiculously long time. Here are some things I could have been doing instead of watching these movies:I could have....
* Driven to North Carolina
* Worked most of a full work day.
* Taught a child how to read
* Taken my great grandmother out to lunch
* Debated the hilarity/tragedy behind bizarre causes of deaths such as being hit by a falling tree, dachsund mauling, or "death by alligator" in a blog entry
* Cleaned my room
* Visited 2 Smithsonian museums
* Gotten an entire night's sleep
* Downloaded hundreds of songs for my ipod
* Written and produced a 30 second PSA on the dangers of feeding alligators to help combat the disturbing rise of deaths by Alligator attack in Florida. This would have been done out of guilt for even suggesting that being attacked by an Alligator is funny in the fictional blog post I wrote.
* Made a jello mold for Lauren's birthday
* Flown to California
* Made $500 using the guaranteed informercial Foreign Currency Exchange system "4x"
* Walked to Northern Virginia, which is a weird since I'd usually rather do anything than go to NoVa
* Made a completely edible get well card Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro out of carrots, apples and oats
* Stalked people on myspace
Thanks Netflix, you're really holding me back. And that's pretty selfish, because I could have been doing a lot of good for the world. Also, I hold my roommates responsible as the movies I saw were not movies I put on the queue. Please people, save yourselves from this world of broken dreams and regret. Do not watch either Memoirs of a Geisha or Swimming Pool. Unless of course you like boringness and Asian women (Memoirs), or boringness and ugly sex (Swimming Pool), but then I probably don't know you. Or, will lose all desire to continue knowing you. I would write a really hilarious post about the hundreds of reasons Memoirs is bad or the thousands of reasons Swimming Pool is bad but I don't feel like engaging in any further discussions about these life-stealing monstrosities. No, those movies ruined my day when I watched them and I'm not going to let them ruin any more days in my future.
1 comment:
I'm so sorry. 'Swimming Pool' is, truly, one of the worst bad movied I've ever seen-- I saw it in the theater and came out really irritated, which is a terrible way to leave a movie. It reminded me of some early-sixties independent movie about women and sexuality (especially 'The Fox' which you should also not see) and their relationships with men, all of which have a ridiculously disappointing and stupid twist at the end. Arrg! C'est Terrible! While you're at it, don't see 'the Village' either. PU. Instead, maybe try 'the Magdelene Sisters' or 'A History of Violence' both of which I recently saw and liked. Also- while you're not watching these movies a second time, you should send me a card made of apples, carrots, and oats.
Post a Comment