Maryland's men give me March madness

So this past Saturday there was a huge bracket-breaking game that you probably didn't hear about: a number 1 seed lost to a number 16 seed at home. The reason you might have missed this gem of a story is because it was Maryland losing to Manhattan in the NIT, and no one has cared about that tournament for well over 40 years.

Well I say good riddance to this awful season. I'm glad that the class of 2006 recruits are done with their college careers, but I want to honor them and their accomplishments here at Maryland. It's true that they helped Maryland win its first ACC tournament in 20 years, but they also helped keep Maryland from getting to the NCAA tournament 2 years in a row, breaking an 11 year streak of NCAA invites. So with that in mind I want to introduce you to the star seniors of Maryland's basketball team:


Nik Caner-Medley

MVP... of doofy haircuts.
# of arrests: 1 -- who could forget his rallying cry "I'm from Maryland and nobody can beat me!" One can only assume that the addition "except for Manhattan!" was implied.
# of hook ups with women I know: 0, despite the best efforts of my college friends to get him to take me on a date for my 20th birthday.
# of last names: 2





Travis Garrison

MVP of... being tall and useless.
# of arrests: 1. Inappropriate touching AND slapping the girl thus making her lip bleed. What an a**hole. I hope he gets some sort of jail time -- maybe he could start on the Jessup basketball team. Actually, scratch that. I want him to get probation, because that'd probably prevent him from leaving the country or state -- which he'd have to do if he ever wants play basketball after college.
# of hook ups with women I know: at least 1, probably 2



Chris McCray

MVP of... fake conversation voicemail messages ("Hey wassup.... yeah, chillin.... what you up to?....Sike! Leave a message")
# of arrests: ~ 1. He was arrested in August for refusing to leave the scene of a fight, but those charges were dropped, though he was also a witness in Travis Garrison's arrest. So one dropped charge + being a witness = one arrest.
# of credits earned last semester: 0? I don't know but the point is that he was deemed academically ineligible. I find this very intriguing given that the athletes have tutors and even if they do skip class, generally their fellow classmates can and will help cover for them. I know this because I once did a French project for Earl Badu. I also know this because there is a facebook group called "I would have done Chris McCray's homework"
# of babies: 2? Rumor has it that this baby-faced cassanova has a few babies (no word on number of baby mamas). I bet when that first kid was born, its mama was really excited and thought she was set for life. Whoops. If he really does have two kids to feed, then Lord help this man take care of those kids.


John Gilchrist

MVP of... inconsistency
# of babies: 1. A little girl named Haven.
He left UMD almost a year ago --arrest free and without academic problems!-- so his stats sheet is a bit short. But since he's widely regarded by Maryland fans as unstable and the reason that MD sucked last year I wanted to include him here. Here's one last sweet stat:
Best rumor I'd ever heard about John Gilchrist: He got drunk and shat some girl's bed while/shortly after hooking up with her. I don't remember who I heard this from and I don't particularly believe it, but this is one of those cases where I'd prefer to think it's true.


Sterling Ledbetter

MVP of... being some guy
Who is this guy? Oh yeah that transfer from the juco. Well he doesn't count because he wasn't recruited to play immediately following our national championship. I'm sure he's an alright guy, but in the spirit of fairness since I just trashed all the other seniors:
Best insult I could rhyme to his last name: Bedwetter

Here's hoping that some of these gems are relegated to playing in the great cities that have CBA teams (Gary, IN; Sioux Falls, SD; Bismarck, ND; Muskegon, MI) as opposed to getting to live in Europe and play basketball. If they go to Sioux Falls, maybe we can all hang out when I visit!!