Twenty-three is the new twenty-one

"All my life, I've only had one dream -- to acheive my many goals" quoth Homer Simpson. To start my twenty third year off right I am setting a list of goals for myself that I want to accomplish by the time I turn 24.

1) Travel outside the country on two separate occasions, preferably to places I have not yet seen.

2) Do ten full pushups -- which is something I currently cannot do. You can laugh at me now for this but in a year's time I will punch you and it will hurt.

3) Get invited to a super-sexy-hot-girls only group on facebook, friendster, or myspace.

4) Cuddle this panda
5) Have my blog quoted in The Express's blog log.

6) Save $5,000 to be used in any of the following ways: moving elsewhere, physical enhancement via plastic surgery, drug binge, or even paying bail for the jailing that will inevitably follow panda cuddling.

7) Tackle the Ben & Jerry's Vermonster. I'm going to need help with this, so feel free to volunteer.
8) Win a war of wits.

9) Get on local TV through one (or all) of the following ways: a) a promo for an ethnic celebration for an ethnicity that I do not claim as my own (e.g. Hispanic heritage month) b) Model an infomercial gizmo for "Does it Really do that??" c) Tell my side of the story once I'm arrested for panda cuddling.

10) Run a marathon. Or at least train for one. Or think about running one? Maybe I can just run 3 miles and tell people I ran a marathon. In fact, I think the lie would be a better idea....

11) Start and win a fight. Bonus points can be earned if the fight is started with a glove slap.

12) Work a full day without surfing the web, writing a blog, or playing a game.

13) Get a puppy or kitten. It's also acceptable if I can just convince my parents to get a puppy or kitten.

14) Beat a 14 year old and 40 year old in a race. Trust me, it's a lot harder than it sounds.

15) Have a dinner party for my friends, and make all parts of the dinner myself. This goal can only be considered completed if none of the guests get sick.

16) Get on national TV through one (or all) of the following ways : a) Starting a fight with a Real World girl (see #11) b) Be Conan O'Brien's co-desk pilot c) Go on Flava of Love
17) Take a looooooong road trip.

18) Repeat the feat (that wasn't ever really acheived, but who's counting?) of shotgunning 6 beers in 10 minutes, then refuse to shotgun another beer until I turn 30.

19) Go another full year evading a citation for public urination.

20) Finally finish my high school scrap book. I figure the 5 year anniversary of my graduation is a fine time to rewrite the history of my adolescence.

21) Tell someone (who wouldn't expect it) how much I appreciate them, then tell someone else (who also wouldn't expect it) how much they've disappointed me. The hard part about this will be deciding who to tell they've disappointed me most. So far, it's a toss up between Chris McCray and Travis Garrison.

22) Find the picture of me as a child where I'm holding up my finger in the air because I'm in mid-sentence of what must have been a revolutionary thought.

23) Start dressing less DC and more NYC.


You'll note that I have not included any milestones in this list, and there is a compelling reason for this: the last few times I have reached certain milestones in my life the world pretty much ends for some American city. Don't believe me? Two weeks after I began college 9/11 occurred, the day before I began my first full-time job Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. So it is for this reason that I refuse to strive toward marriage and motherhood and whatever other sort of milestone that might end in the obliteration of a city or mass murder. Oh sure, you could argue that every other member of my birth cohort could say the same thing, after all many of them were also experiencing the same sort of milestones at those unfortunate times. But this day is about me dammit, so I will not entertain such a suggestion.