Get a job.
This resolution is aimed directly at the ex-Real Worlders and Road Rulers who insist on staying on tv even though some of these people are old (Beth), fat (Syrus), and not attractive (Montana).
Some of these people went to college, so I know they must have loans to pay off, and yet here they are competing on MTV for undazzling amounts of money and xboxes. What were their life plans had they not been chosen to be on some reality tv show? One of these people must have aspired to be something beyond a professional tv drunkard/obstacle course expert/pathetic celeb wannabe (apparently they also make speaking appearances where they talk about things they are "experts" in, such as conflict resolution and alcohol/drug addiction. I think a better topic would be, "How to trick people into paying money to hear you bulls**t on something you know very little about")
Moreover, these people need jobs because they just shouldn't be famous. These people aren't interesting enough to be famous, because if they were they'd already have their own tv shows. (See Laguna Beach's Kristin new show for proof. Granted her show is on UPN and looks dumb, but you know what she's only 18 and she already got a gig off of MTV, so eat it Timmy). On top of that, there is just no security in the labor market that is reality tv competitions. There is no pension plan for being on the Battle of the Sexes, and clearly you can't keep bungy jumping, sitting on blocks of ice, and carrying tires till you turn 65. You know Mark is about to break a hip, and I bet MTV doesn't offer good medical coverage just for being on the Gauntlet 2. Plus, it's got to be a pain in the ass to have part of your income come to you in the form of electronics. So please, to all ex-cast members of the Real World who I remember so fondly from my childhood (and the trailer trash from Road Rules that no one ever remembers) get a job. Many fast food restaurants hire year round, and becoming a tradesman is always a lucrative choice.
Consider adoption/annullment.
Run Katie Run!
Go to a deserted island. Stay there. Strongly consider suicide.
Tom, this means you.
1 comment:
I watched a little bit (ok, like 3 hours) of the Gauntlet 2 last night and I was scared. Very scared. Somehow, in order to get people to watch the show I assume, these people have transformed into sex-crazed, rage machines. I remember Aneesa from Chicago, when she was just a nudist lesbian, but now she's somehow lost 20 lbs and pumped her body full of testosterone ( I assume these came hand in hand) and has become a raging freakshow.
I hope that when these 35 year old losers aren't on camera, they're sleeping and doing each others hair, because one can only have so many drunken hate-fucking orgies.
Finally, I would like to add that the club party that I went to for New Years was hosted by Eric Neis. I didn't see him (prob b/c I was too busy snorting coke and being a skank), but I don't care. Mr. Neis really really needs to get a life.
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