Rest in Peace...

... the TalKim marriage... Your engagment burned bright and fast like a white star that burned itself out. Who am I kidding, clearly the best comparison for this engagement is a coke high. The real tragedy here is that Talan will never have that threesome, though I'm always looking on the bright side. Hopefully the next LB alum on K.Stew's list is J-Wahl.



... Arrested Development... what a sudden and senseless death for the funniest show on television. Truly, you deserved better. My only consolation is that Gob and Lindsay are in heaven doing their chicken impressions with God. And also that George Michael finally made out with Maeby.

... Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey... I guess Jessica finally realized she could probably get someone better, and that Nick realized that he is just some Cinci-trash. But still, even deaths that are long over due should be mourned. I'm hoping this death is quickly followed by the death of Joe Simpson's creepy hold over his daughters. Maybe Jessica will get involved with a scientologist a la Katie Holmes and break ties with her friends and family?

... Laguna Beach... This death hurts me the most, since its more of a persistent vegetative state than actual death. Nonetheless it's the kind of vegetative state that merits starving to death. LB's third season stars are busted. More busted than even Kristin's friend Alex. This show is totally Dunzo. And The Hills is Dunzo On Arrival. Without an evil foil like Kristin, LC is just a fashion poseur making googly eyes at any guy who tells her she's pretty. So listen up LC either get addicted to Heroin or get off tv, because you're not interesting.

... the Terrapins' hopes for the post season... Death has thankfully come to put this turtle out of its long-suffering and tortuous misery. Sometimes, the Lord is merciful, maybe he will also be generous and give us a good quarterback for next year? (Watch out, because as sad as it makes me the Redskins are in the ICU and probably about to join the terps)